Have Your Cake
by NaNoWriTJMo
Summary: Post-TJM fic. Arnold has his parents back! Helga grapples with this new reality of Arnold returning her feelings and must also come to terms with sharing the love of her life with Stella and Miles. #NaNoWriTJMo
1. Chapter 1

_It's Big Bob's Beepers, he's the king, Big Bob's Beepers, ching-ching-ching, Big Bob's Beepers!_

Helga awoke from her slumber. Every day. Every freakin' day, that horrible jingle acted as her alarm clock. Her wake-up call to the nightmare that she was constantly living.

She pushed the blankets and dirty clothes she used as warmth off the thinly-insulated sleeping bag she considered a mattress, stretched, and walked out the utility closet – aka her bedroom.

This was her new home. Her old home, the quaint little townhouse that she grew up in for the first ten years of her life, had been repossessed, not too long after it was revealed that beepers were no longer raking in the dough that they used to. Now Helga and her family were evicted, and forced to grasp at some semblance of normalcy to avoid being vagrants; so it was business as usual and they ironically moved into the one place that was financially sucking them dry.

How Helga wished she could evict herself from her circumstances.

"Olga!" Big Bob bellowed from the other side of the Beeper Emporium.

Helga grumbled to herself as she walked over to where her father was sitting, on the ground, surrounded by boxes of unsold merchandise. "It's Helga, DAD. Always has been. Always will."

Big Bob waved off her tirade. "Yeah, yeah. Listen, I'm gonna need you to move some of these beepers today. I need that box to patch up some broken drywall. So why don't you stand in front of the mall for a few hours and see if you get any bites?"

"Why don't you stand in front of heavy traffic?" muttered Helga under her breath.

"What was that?!" Big Bob barked.

"In case you've forgotten, DAD, I have this little thing I have to go to for the next decade or so. It's called SCHOOL?"

"Hey, hey, hey! Don't talk back, lil' lady. Actually, that might work out even better. Try pawning them off to your little friends at school. Kids are into the retro thing nowadays, right? They think it's hip."

Helga rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Anyway, have you seen my backpack? I've got to get going soon."

"Huh? O-oh yeah –here, I'd been using it as a pillow," Big Bob leaned behind one of the boxes and pulled out Helga's backpack. He tossed it over to his daughter and she nearly dropped to the floor by its sheer weight.

"CRIMINY! This thing weighs a metric ton! What did you put in here?!"

"I stuffed it full of beepers, and saved you extra work. Now get on out there and if you want to eat dinner tonight you'll sell that stock!"

Helga dragged the bag behind her. "Thanks, BOB," she spat venomously.

As she walked towards the exit, Helga spotted her mother, Miriam, sitting behind a small table with a coffee machine beside her. Her eyes were closed, and a mug with liquid hung out of her hand. Helga took the mug and raised it to her lips…but then sniffed the contents, and sighed in disgust as her poured it on the ground. She took the coffee pot with her and drank from it instead.

Helga shed most of the beepers on her walk to school and was able to put the backpack on her shoulders by the time she ran into her best friend, Phoebe.

"Good morning, Helga," Phoebe chirped, much too cheerily for the start of the day. "Ready for another glorious day of academic discovery?"

"Pfft – is that what they're calling it nowadays?" Helga took a long sip from the coffee pot, now lukewarm.

Phoebe's eyes followed the trail of discarded electronics left in Helga's wake. She frowned. "Another day of entrepreneurial endeavor gone awry?"

"It's gone A.W.O.L., S.N.A.F.U. and every other acronym under the sun," said Helga. "And if Big Bob thinks I'm going to waste another afternoon touting his wares he's got another thing coming."

"Have you suggested to your father that perhaps he should consider selling a more advanced item at his store? Smartphones? Tablets?"

"Please – Big Bob is as stubborn as a mule. The only way you're getting him to sell something without an LED screen is if we're finally kicked out on the street and someone with more sense takes over."

Phoebe stopped walking and looked at her friend earnestly. "You know, Helga, you're welcome to sleepover at my place any time your situation becomes unbearable. My parents don't mind, and—"

"Hey look – it's Football-head and your Tall-Hair Loverboy!" interjected Helga. Whether she intended to cut Phoebe off or she wasn't listening, she picked up the pace to meet the boys at the corner of the block.

Arnold waved at the girls as they approached. "Good morning, Phoebe," he looked at Helga, and smiled. "Good morning, Helga."

"Morning, ladies," Gerald said, winking at Phoebe.

"Good morning, Arnold…Gerald," as Phoebe said Gerald's name she blushed and giggled.

"Hey, Gerald. Hey Arnold," said Helga, the least enthusiastic of the bunch.

The group began walking together towards school, with Phoebe and Gerald in the front, and Arnold and Helga following closely behind. As Phoebe regaled Gerald with a story about something that had happened the previous night, Arnold surreptitiously attempted to link hands with Helga. Helga immediately brushed him away.

"What are you doing?" she hissed.

"Come on, Helga," pleaded Arnold. "We go through this every morning."

"Then you should know the game by now!" she shot back.

"Just let me hold your hand," Arnold insisted. "Just this once."

He gave Helga a sad, puppy-dog-eyed look to cajole her. Helga sighed and rolled her eyes, but when Arnold went for her hand a second time, she didn't pull away. Helga tensed as soon as he made contact. Arnold gauged her reaction but still smiled warmly. After a few seconds, it looked as though Helga would finally let her guard down, when…

"HEY ARNOLD!"

The sound of two voices calling out in harmony sang out behind them. Helga gritted her teeth. Of course, she thought sullenly, and ripped her hand from Arnold's grasp.

A man and a woman approached the group excitedly. The man looked like a younger, blonder version of Arnold's Grandpa, and the woman was a pretty brunette with a familiar-looking football-shaped head. Both adults were wearing white linen clothes and had dramatic, grey streaks across their hair.

"There you are!" the man said. "We've been looking all over for you!"

"We still want to hear about all your amazing adventures from growing up in the city!" added the woman.

Arnold smiled and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Gosh, I'd love to tell you more…but it's a weekday again. I have to go to school, remember?"

The man snapped his fingers. "School! Darn it, I knew there was something I forgot about!"

"Arnold, I don't think we've been properly introduced to your friends," said Stella, crouching down to get eye level with the children.

Arnold blinked. "I haven't?"

"I'm Stella, and this is my husband, Miles," said the woman, gesturing to her husband. "We're Arnold's parents."

"Uh…well, this is Helga. And this is Gerald and Phoebe."

Gerald and Phoebe sheepishly waved to the two adults. "Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Shortman," they both said.

As Stella asked Arnold a question, Gerald leaned in close to Phoebe. "They've already introduced themselves to us twice," he whispered.

"Must be short-term memory loss," reasoned Phoebe. "It's impossible for us to know all the side-effects of waking from a ten-year comatose state induced by sleeping sickness. Arnold's parents truly are unique specimens in modern science."

"Yeah, well, it's still really weird," whispered Gerald.

"I concur," whispered Phoebe. "But Arnold seems to be taking it in stride."

"Hey, whatcha got there?" asked Miles, eyeing the coffee pot of cold liquid in Helga's hand.

"You shouldn't be drinking coffee for breakfast," chastised Stella. "It stunts your growth."

"Actually—" Phoebe started to say, but was cut off by stern looks from Arnold and Gerald. "Never mind."

"Here, why don't you have this papaya-mango-and-guava energy that I made for us?' Stella pulled a bottle of think orange liquid seemingly out of nowhere. "Nutrition is so important, especially during breakfast, the most important meal of the day. I'm sure your folks would agree."

"You should try some," said Arnold. "It's really good."

"And good for you!" Stella and Miles said simultaneously.

Helga looked at the shake, then to Arnold's parents, then to her friends. Flustered, she shook her head and turned around. "I-I have to go."

"Wait – where are you going?" Arnold called out.

"I left something at home. Don't wait up, OK?" she yelled as she ran as fast as her feet would carry her in the opposite direction.


	2. Chapter 2

Arnold and Gerald were walking home after school with a group of kids, when Arnold spotted a familiar face in the distance.

"Hey, is that…? Yeah I think it is!" Arnold said.

"Who is?" asked Gerald, but Arnold was already making his way towards the mustachioed man in a wide-brimmed hat, accompanied by a young girl about Arnold's age.

"Arnold!" said the man. " _Buenos dias!_ "

"Eduardo!" said Arnold. "What are you doing here?"

"I've come to visit you and your parents to see how you are adapting. How are they enjoying life in the city?"

"They are…adapting," Arnold's eyes wandered to the girl beside him. She was about his height, with dark skin and bright green eyes. Her thick black hair was held back by a green headband. "Hey, aren't you…?"

"You are correct," replied Eduardo. "Arnold, this is Jiçu, the daughter of the rulers of the Green Eyes. Her mother and father have allowed her to leave San Lorenzo to see the world, and have left me in her care. She is excited to see Stella and Miles as well."

"Well, actually I'm on my way home," said Arnold. As Eduardo and Arnold spoke, Jiçu's eyes wandered over to the kids in the group until they stopped on Brainy.

Brainy was taken aback as Jiçu approached him, stepping back as she got close. Eduardo noticed this and smirked. "It looks as though Jiçu has taken an interest in one of your friends."

"Huh? Oh, that's Brainy."

"Boo-rainee," Jiçu repeated, invading Brainy's personal space so that they were practically nose-to-nose. Flustered, Brainy backed away until he tripped over the curb. When he stood up, he turned and ran away.

"Looks like Brainy's got a secret admirer," remarked Sid.

"And that secret is OUT," quipped Gerald. The rest of the kids laughed.

"Come on," Arnold said to Eduardo. "I'm heading to the boarding house now. Follow me – I'm sure mom and dad will be thrilled to see you."

The gang plus Eduardo and Jiçu arrived in front of Sunset Arms but just as Arnold was going to open the door, a green Packard rolled up in front of the building and honked.

"Grandpa?" Arnold said. "Where are you going?"

Grandpa leaned his head out the open window of his Packard. "Hey Shortman – just heading to the police station. I've got to bail your folks out of jail."

"Jail?!" Arnold and Eduardo said simultaneously.

Grandpa pointed to the backseat. "Hop in – I'll explain everything on the way. Hey, Eduardo."

Eduardo nodded and smiled, and the three of them filed into the backseat of the Packard as he drove away.

"Look, I'm sorry about all the trouble, officer," Grandpa said as they walked through the police station.

"Why were they detained?" asked Arnold.

"A concerned citizen saw these two jokers bus surfing downtown," explained the officer. "We had to tae them in for disturbing the peace.

Jiçu asked a question to Eduardo in her native tongue, to which Eduardo replied back in the same language. When she asked a second question, Eduardo simply responded with a shrug.

"Yeah – takes me back to my days in high school," continued the officer. "Anyway, no damage was caused, so I guess they're free to go."

They stopped in front of a cell where both Stella and Miles were sitting patiently on a bench attached to the wall. When they saw their son, they both stood and ran over, gripping the bars of the cell.

"Arnold!" they both said enthusiastically.

"Alright, you two," said the officer as he unlocked the door of the cell. "Stay out of trouble, okay? Don't let me catch you using our transit system as your personal skate park."

As soon as they were released, Stella and Miles embraced Arnold in a hug. "We missed you!"

"I missed you too, you guys," Arnold said.

Grandpa cleared his throat.

Miles looked up and noticed his friend. "Eduardo! What are you doing all the way out here?"

"Hello, old friend," said Eduardo. "I've come to see how you are adjusting to life in the city."

"Oh, fine, fine – we're doing spectacular," nodded Miles. "We just had a little misunderstanding this

morning. Apparently you can't ride the bus if you don't have any money…."

"So we improvised!" Stella chimed in cheerfully.

Arnold and Eduardo exchanged worried glances.

"Uh…let's go, guys. Packard's waiting outside," said Grandpa.

"Oh, boy! I want to sit next to Arnold!" exclaimed Stella.

"Me too!" said Miles.

"You can both sit beside me – I'll sit in the middle, OK?" Arnold said patiently.

Grandpa sighed audibly as the group exited the police station.

Later that evening, Arnold, Grandpa, and Eduardo sat around the small table in the kitchen to discuss

the situation with Stella and Miles.

"I'm worried about the two of them," admitted Grandpa, looking down at the cup of coffee in his hand.

"At first I was elated to have them back, but as the days went by I began to notice some peculiar things…"

"Please explain," said Eduardo.

"Well, there's the short-term memory loss….the odd, almost obsessive fascination with Shortman…"

Grandma suddenly burst into the kitchen, wearing a marching hat and holding a baton, while she stepped in time to the sound of the whistle she blew in rhythm. Behind her, Stella and Miles marched n time behind her; Stella was smashing a pair of cymbals while Miles beat a drum. Jiçu followed closely behind, clapping her hand against a tambourine and laughing. The progression stopped briefly in front of the table for their benefit, before resuming and exiting from the other doorway. Eduardo was nonplussed.

"….And then there's stuff like that," said Grandpa.

"Do you have any idea what might be causing this behavior?" asked Arnold.

Eduardo exhaled deliberately, tapping his hand on the table. "It's…difficult to say. Your parents have been cut off from the world for nearly a decade. I think it's almost expected there would be some complications with their assimilation back into society."

"Assimilation, huh?" repeated Grandpa, taking a sip of his coffee.

Arnold sat thoughtfully for a moment, then raised his head with an idea. "Say…what if we try to remind them? We could hold a party on the rooftop with all the people of the neighborhood! They'll be introduced to old friends, and maybe having a support network will jumpstart something within them. It might even improve their memory!"

"It's worth a shot," Grandpa said thoughtfully.

"What have we got to lose?" added Arnold.

The three men peered into the room adjacent to the kitchen. The marching had ceased, and now Grandma was spinning Jiçu around over her head, and Miles did the same with Stella. There was eventually the sound of a crash, and the four of them burst into raucous laughter, Grandma leading the charge with her insane cackling.

"Not as much as I stand to lose in property damage," quipped Grandpa. "So let's do it!"


	3. Chapter 3

"Arnold….Arnold…."

Arnold opened his eyes and was startled to find his parents sitting beside him on the bed, smiling.

"Good morning, Arnold," said Stella.

"Did you sleep well?" asked Miles.

Arnold sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Uh, yeah…" he said. "Is everything alright?"

"We just wanted to be here for you when you woke up," said Miles.

"We made you breakfast," said Stella, lifting a tray. "It's your favourite: puréed peaches. We used to feed these to you all the time."

Not sure how to react, Arnold forced a smile. "Thank you…you really shouldn't have,"

Arnold tried to get out of bed, but Miles had blocked him. "Where are you going?"

"I have to get ready for school," said Arnold. When they both looked at him blankly, he added "That thing I have to go to Monday through Friday, remember?"

Suddenly Miles seemed to remember, and hit his palm to his forehead. "Right – one of these days I won't forget!"

"But at least have some of your breakfast," pleaded Stella. "We made it from scratch!" She used a tiny baby spoon to scoop of the orange mush and raised it towards Arnold's mouth. "Here comes the choo-choo…"

Arnold frowned at the concoction, but when he looked at the faces of his parents they were beaming with joy.

Arnold gulped. " _Well…at least no one else will see this_ ," he thought as he reluctantly opened his mouth wide.

* * *

Arnold's grandmother had taken to setting up a little garden to the side of Sunset Arms. What was once a grey, dreary space next to Arnold's room full of trashcans had transformed into a bright oasis where people could look forward to picking fresh fruits and vegetables.

In fact, many of the kids of the neighborhood helped Arnold and the boarders to maintain the garden. It had actually evolved into a hangouts of sorts, and many of Arnold's friends could be found there after school.

One of the kids – Brainy - was watering a small patch of the garden as Jiçu watched him longingly. She plucked the petals of a daisy one by one, saying something in her language after each petal (supposedly playing "He loves me, he loves me not").

When she got to the last petal, she grinned and hugged the bare stem of the daisy in ecstasy. She then crept behind Brainy and placed a fresh daisy behind his ear.

"Boo-rainy…" she said affectionately, then speaking some more in her language before kissing him on the cheek. Freaked out, Brainy stood up and tried to get away from Jiçu, who followed in hot pursuit.

Helga, who was walking by on the sidewalk, stopped by the entrance of the garden and scoffed. "So this is where I find you clods? Playing Old MacDonald in a dirt patch?"

"It's actually quite therapeutic," countered Sheena, who was tending to some tomatoes.

"Whatever," said Helga. "Phoebe! I was going to go to store real quick. You comin'?"

Phoebe was trimming a bonsai tree with Gerald. "Actually Helga, she said. "I'm a bit busy at the moment."

Helga was indignant. "Are you kidding me?"

"You know, you could join us, Helga," said Arnold. "We could always use an extra hand. And we… _I_ wouldn't mind your company."

Helga glanced over to Stella and Miles, who were tilling the earth with shovels. She sniffed. "Thanks, but no thanks. Besides, I think I spotted strawberries. I'd rather get through the day without getting stabbed full of epinephrine if that's alright with you."

She stormed away from the garden space, only revealing her disappointment when no one could see her.

As she turned the corner, someone called out to her. "Helga! Wait up!"

Helga turned around, only to see Lila running toward her. She masked her confusion with a scowl. "Well, well, well - if it isn't Lil Miss Perfect? To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I just finished harvesting this ever-so-ripe butternut squash," Lila explained, holding the large yellow gourd for Helga to see. "I was going to go home afterward, but I wouldn't mind keeping you company."

"Oh, goodie," Helga said sarcastically. "Fine, just don't slow me down, alright?"

Helga continued to walk (this time a bit faster so that Lila would have to work to keep pace with her).

"I don't mean to pry," Lila said as followed behind Helga. "But I can't help feel like there's something going on between you and Arnold."

Helga stopped abruptly, causing Lila to bump into her and fall on the ground; Helga did not help her up. "In what way?"

"Well," Lila said as she stood up and dusted herself off, "It looks like Arnold is making more of an effort to get to know you. He's barely talked to me since he's come back from the jungle."

"Jealous?" Helga asked slyly.

Lila shook her head. "No – it's nothing like that. I just find it interesting. Especially since you haven't teased or bullied Arnold as much since YOU'VE come back from the jungle. I was just wondering – and please forgive me if I'm being ever-so-conspiratorial…"

"Stop, stop!" Helga insisted. "Criminy, enough already – what do you want from me, a written confession that Arnold and me are together now? That we're an item?"

Lila lifted a hand to her mouth in silent shock. "Is it true?" she asked, in a voice barely louder than a whisper.

At first Helga looked at Lila with the utmost contempt, but then she looked away and laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck. "Well…"

Lila let the squash she held splatter on the sidewalk as she embraced Helga in pure joy. "Oh Helga! This is wonderful! I'm ever-so-happy for you!"

"Hey hey HEY! Watch the merchandise!" threatened Helga, pushing Lila away.

Lila complied, slightly wounded by Helga's rebuff. "I don't understand. Isn't this what you wanted?"

"It is! Of course it is!" Helga said in exasperation. "It's just…I don't know. It's hard to explain."

"Try me," said Lila.

Helga regarded her cautiously, then looked down at the ground, the squash practically exploded on the ground. "What about your—"

Lila waved her off. "It's fine. I don't even like squash that much."

* * *

Helga sat cross-legged across from Lila in her bedroom. Lila was also sitting cross-legged, her back against her bed, her red hair undone from their signature pigtails and let fall across her shoulders in soft waves. Her eyes were closed, so she couldn't see Helga aggressively scrutinizing the accoutrements of her room, from the zen posters to the candle of French vanilla burning on a dresser in the corner.

"Now," said Lila, evenly, "I want you to relax. Take a deep breath, close your eyes and focus your thoughts on living a life of intention. Own your truth."

" _This is so lame_ ," thought Helga, but she still took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"What do you see?" asked Lila.

At first, Helga could see only darkness. But then, in her mind's eye, she saw herself standing in front of a mirror where she could see Arnold smiling behind her in the reflection. When she tried to turn around, she was face-to-face with the mirror again, only this time Arnold seemed farther away from her in the reflection. She turned yet again, and there was only the mirror again, the image of Arnold in the reflection getting progressively and smaller until he could no longer be seen.

"Arnold!" she gasped, opening her eyes. She was back in Lila's room, with Lila watching her intently.

"What did you see, Helga?" Lila repeated.

"I saw myself…it was like I was turning my back on Arnold. I wanted to meet him face-to-face, but when I tried I kept failing, and the longer I had my back to him, the further he got from me."

"And what do you think that means?" asked Lila.

"I think…"Helga said carefully, "I think it means if I keep rejecting Arnold…I'll risk losing him forever. I've got to make a change."

Lila said nothing, but nodded slowly.

"Starting tomorrow, I'm turning over a new leaf. Goodbye to the old, grouchy Helga – say hello to the new and improved Helga G. Pataki: engaged and ready for Arnold's affection!"

Helga stood up and went for the door but not before going over and giving Lila a quick hug. "Thanks, Lila – I owe you one."

She left the room….then popped her head back in briefly. "If you tell anyone that I hugged you, I'll throttle you – understood?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Lila replied.

Helga gave a thumbs up and went on her merry way.


	4. Chapter 4

"Helga – phone for you!"

Helga extricated herself from her homework long enough to grab the phone from her mother.

"Hello? Oh, hey Phoebes," she answered. She listened for a bit before her eyes lit up. "DinoLand? Seriously?" She listened for a bit more. "Sure! I mean…I guess I could kill a few hours on a Saturday doing that….alright, I'll see you then."

She hung up the phone then turned to Miriam. "Did Dad sell anything today?"

"Now, let me think…" Miriam looked down, rubbing her chin with her hand. "Actually, honey, now that you mention it, a group of college students came by to purchase beepers for a scavenger hunt."

"Perfect – oh, by the way, I think Dad used the rest of your tobacco sauce on his breakfast burrito this morning."

"What?!" exclaimed Miriam. "B…?" she turned around and immediately started searching for her husband.

With no witnesses, Helga walked over to the cash register and took out $50 in cash, pocketing it. Now that she was fully funded for a day of fun at DinoLand, there was nothing in her way from giving her all to her new relationship with Arnold. Saturday was her day to shine.

* * *

Indeed, there was no better place to spend a weekend than at Hillwood's premiere prehistoric amusement park, Dinoland. Phoebe had extended the invite to Helga to join her, when in fact it was Arnold and his parents that had invited the entire sixth grade class; Stella and Miles were gracious enough to cover admission costs for all the children.

Everyone fractioned off into smaller groups to enjoy the park; Gerald and Phoebe spent the majority of time together, opting to explore the midway first. Jicu spent the day with her favourite attraction: Brainy. Try as he might to shake her, jumping from rides to restaurants to even restrooms, Jicu was always one step ahead; eventually he resigned himself to being her unwitting date for the afternoon.

While everyone was splitting off, Helga mustered her courage to approach Arnold.

When he saw her, Arnold's face lit up. "Hey, Helga – you made it!"

"How could I say no to a free day at DinoLand?" said Helga. "I hear the new rollercoaster is super scary – four out of five rides end with someone having a stroke. Wanna check it out?"

"Yeah!" Helga extended her hand and Arnold eagerly accepted it, and the two made their way to the new ride in the park: CenoZania.

* * *

As with any feature attraction, the line to CenoZania was exceptionally long. This allowed ample time for conversation, of which Helga took full advantage.

By the time it was their turn to ride the rollercaster, Helga had spoken for 45 minutes, and was essentially spent. Arnold took up the slack when they were fastened in and the CenoZania lurched forward on the rails.

"I'm so glad you decided to join us," said Arnold. "Call me crazy, but I couldn't shake the feeling that you were trying to avoid me."

Helga made a Psh-aw gesture. "It really means a lot to me that you came out today. To me and to my parents."

"What?" Helga said. "Your parents? What are you talking about?"

"Come one, Helga," Arnold said. "My mom and dad really like you. They care about you, and they want to know as much about you as they're learning about me. I almost think in the back of their minds, they wish they had a daughter instead."

Arnold intended this as a joke, but Helga said nothing, merely nodding.

They just reached the top of a tall inline and the coaster raced down at max velocity. They went through a few loop-de-loops and seveal corkscrew turns but as they were turning the bend for the final portion of the ride it abruptly stopped, causing Helga and Arnold to lurch forward in their seats.

"That can't be good," remarked Arnold.

* * *

"Mr. and Mrs. Shortman!" Sid came running to find Miles and Stella at one of the concession stands enjoying a prehistoric hotdog. "Arnold and Helga are trapped on the CenoZania ride!"

Miles was in mid-bite during the revelation, and Stella had to slap him hard on the back to keep him from choking on the food in his mouth.

"Thanks," he said.

"We've got to go save them!" said Stella.

"Right!" replied Miles; the two ran in the direction of the CenaZania ride, leaving a very bemused Sid in their wake.

"They're like 1000 feet from the ground right now!"

Ccccccccccc

Actually, Arnold and Helga were only about 50 feet up, but that did little to deter the adventurous duo from attempting a rescue effort.

Miles had grabbed a whip from the souvenir shop, which the two of them used to expertly climb the metal behemoth that was CenoZania.

A crowd was developing to watch the scene unfold as they scaled the rollercoaster. Eventually they had reached the car where Arnold and Helga was stuck.

"What the heck?!" said Helga. "What are you two doing?!"

"Saving your skins," replied Stella, pulling a knife out from under her shirt and slicing away at the restraints that kept the kids in their seats.

They got Arnold free without a problem, but they were only halfway through Helga restraint when the car started moving again.

"Helllllp!" she screamed as car shot forward at breakneck speed. While Miles and Arnold tried to navigate their way down the coaster (a fire engine was conveniently on its way), Stella grabbed the whip from her husband and used it as a grappling hook to hang onto one of the bars of the departing rollercoaster car.

Stella was practically skating on the rails as she used all of her upper-body strength to close the distance between herself and Helga. She was now hanging on to the car itself when Helga screamed and pointed: less than 100 meters away was the final loop-de-loop, and without restraints Helga was sure to plummet.

Thinking fast, Stella spotted the highest most point of the loop and timed it JUST RIGHT, so that she grabbed Helga, used the whip again to hook onto the side of one of the rails and hang suspended in the air. She then swung back and forth, mustering up enough momentum to propel both of them back into the car when it was right-side up again.

The car pulled into its original location, and Stella and Helga were finally safe. Stella assisted a frazzled Helga out of the car, whose hair was literally standing on end as though she had put her finger in an electrical socket.

By the time they descended the steps to the ground floor, the crowd had ballooned to not only include gawkers, but police, firemen, and a local news crew.

Miles ran up to the two of them. "Stella, honey! I'm so glad you two are safe." He looked at Helga. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

Helga, still in shock, shook her head slowly. Miles put a hand on her shoulder and smiled warmly. "Good. We were both so worried…"

"We'd never let anything happen to you," said Stella. "You're like family to us."

 _ **FAMILY.**_ The word stuck in her craw, making Helga go catatonic. She didn't even feel when Arnold approached and embraced her.

Arnold sensed something was the matter and pulled away slightly. "Helga? Are you alright?"

Helga came back to herself, but in lieu of shock she brought something else…rage. She pushed Arnold to the ground.

"Get away from me, you football-headed freak!" she yelled, so loudly that the crowd surrounding them had gone quiet. "For your information, I was just fine until your loopy parents decided to go all Indiana Jones and almost get us killed! You, you and YOU—" she pointed at the three of them with as much venom and malice she could muster,"—why don't you all do me a favour and just stay out of my life!"

Stunned, Arnold could only take a step back as Helga stormed away from him. Phoebe try to stop her, but she brushed her off and retreated as quickly as possible, lest someone catch the tears that started to stream uncontrollably down her face.


	5. Chapter 5

The neighborhood party was just a few days away. Arnold and the rest of the boarders were on the roof preparing the space when he saw Helga walking on the sidewalk below.

"Helga! Hey!" Arnold waved to get her attention. Helga looked up but when she saw who was calling her, she lowered her head and started walking faster.

Arnold dropped what he was doing and left the roof, running downstairs as fast as he could to get back on the ground floor, but by the time he made it to his front porch, Helga was already out of sight.

* * *

The phone rang off the hook at the Beeper Emporium, but Helga refused to answer. She knew it was Arnold, or Phoebe, all gung ho to berate her for her terrible behavior. Or worse – they'd pretend like nothing was wrong and beg for her to come back.

Except there _**WAS**_ something wrong. What is was, Helga had no idea, but she could feel it in her bones, all the way down to her soul, to her very essence of being. She SHOULD have been happy to spend time with Arnold, and yet, as of late, every time she was around him, she felt this empty, nagging feeling that she couldn't accurately identify.

It was like there was hole in her heart that she didn't know was there, that not even Arnold could fill. It consumed her, getting larger with every passing moment.

"For crying out loud, Olga," barked Big Bob. "Can you answer the freakin' phone?"

"It's Helga, DAD," she responded over the incessant ringing. "And why don't you answer it? Last time I check it wasn't my ugly mug plastered all over the signage!"

"Hey, hey, hey! You are out of line, missy!" threatened Big Bob, pointing his finger at his daughter. "I didn't bust my butt to build this empire just for you to dump all over it!"

The phone stopped ringing. "Glad that's over," said Helga.

"That could've been a sale, Olga!" yelled Big Bob. "For cripes' sake, for once can you show respect for my legacy?"

"WHAT LEGACY?" Helga exploded. "Newsflash, Dad – we're not in 1998 anymore! Nobody uses beepers anymore, except for maybe on-call surgeons, but you tell me the last time a bunch of Doogie Howser M.D.s came busting down our doors for your products?!"

Big Bob folded his arms indignantly. "I dunno. I think you just lack the creative mind of your old man to sell beepers."

The phone started ringing again. "You know what? FINE." Helga grabbed her backpack and walked over to the nearest cardboard box, kicking over so its contents – what else? Beepers – fell to the ground and she began scooping them into her bag en masse. She then zipped it up and slung it over her shoulder and walked toward the exit.

"Where are you going?" asked Big Bob.

Helga turned to look at her father, her eyes fresh with determination. "You want creativity? I'll sell the whole lot of your crappy beepers, and come back with twice the money their worth. And when I do, I'm gonna burn the profits right in front of you, just to prove that I'm the daughter of a talentless hack!"

She stormed out. Smug, Big Bob brushed his hands in satisfaction. "Heh. Still got it."

"B…." the small voice of his wife could be heard over the phone. "I think the toilet's backed up again…"

"Criminy! What did I tell you? Rip up the flyers extra small _before_ flushing! I can't afford another visit from the plumber!"

* * *

Phoebe was alarmed to find her best friend at the street corner accosting passersby with the promise of outdated electronics.

"Beepers!" she yelled, sounding like a vendor at a softball game. "Get your beepers here! Perfect for the eager nostalgia hound. Works great as a paperweight or electronic musical instrument. Get 'em while they're hot!"

"Helga?" said Phoebe.

Flustered, Helga hastily stuffed the beepers back in her backpack and coughed. "Sorry folks – this was only a limited time offer!"

Helga started walking away, but Phoebe followed close behind.

"Is this why you didn't go to school today? You've been hawking beepers? Helga, look at me! This is serious!"

Phoebe caught up to her friend and spun her around; Helga would not look at her.

"I'm worried about you." She said carefully.

"Worry about yourself," Helga said, adjusting the backpack on her shoulder. "Besides, what's the point of going to school to learn anyway? I never seem to learn from my mistakes…I keep making the same ones over and over."

"Helga…"

"Tell Arnold that I'm sorry I can't with his little shindig. And don't follow me…please…I want to be alone…!"

And with that she took off down the street.

* * *

Helga looked over the railing of the bridge to her reflection in the passing water below her. Visibility was poor that day, so she could only make out a murky, muddy translucent image of herself, which she proceeded to disrupt by tossing the beepers one by one into the river. Eventually she flipped her backpack upside down and emptied all of the beepers into the water like so many expensive, electronic pebbles.

She rested her elbows on the railings and sighed forlornly. "A fine mess I'd made for myself," she muttered. "I bet Big Bob and Miriam will be furious I didn't go to school today….oh, who am I kidding?...they care more about these stupid little black boxes than me. They always have…"

She dug into the bag and pulled out one final beeper, which she let fall into the river with a satisfying _KER-PLUNK!_

She pulled out her locket of Arnold – the heart-shaped keepsake that had brought the two of them together in San Lorenzo – and sighed.

"Oh Arnold….even now, as you know the true nature of my feelings, I am still unable to bring myself to be with you….am I destined to be alone…to never change….doomed as Helga Pataki, the irascible, loveless bully…?"

She closed her eyes and swooned. When she opened her eyes again, she detected the sound of wheezing behind her.

Brainy.

Helga scowled as she balled up her fist and prepared to smash him square in the face. She was caught off guard, however, by a hand that intercepted her attack.

She turned around and was surprised to find that Brainy wasn't alone; standing right next to him (and holding his hand!) was the girl who caught her fist – Jicu.

"What do YOU want?" Helga yelled, pulling her fist out of Jicu's grip, "How long have you been standing there? Criminy – can't I have a minute to myself?!"

Brainy continued to wheeze. Helga rolled her eyes. "Whatever, it's not like Green-Eyed Girl over here can understand what I'm saying anyway."

"On the contrary," replied Jicu. "I was actually hoping to shed some light on your predicament."

Helga was already departing when Jicu spoke, and literally froze at the recent revelation. "Wait a minute – you speak ENGLISH? Since when?!"

"Eduardo had taught me a few rudimentary phrases," said Jicu. "But Boo-Rainy was my actual teacher; I received a very comprehensive education from him. This boy really loves to talk once you get him going."

Helga eyed him dubiously; Brainy blushed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Oh…kay…..so what advice could you possibly have for me?"

"Allow me to posit a potential theory," began Jicu. "You retreat when Arnold spends time with his mother and father. And you tend to recoil when they show affection to him."

Helga folded her arms defiantly. "So? His parents are sappy; I just don't want to see it."

Jicu shook her head. "I don't think that's it. You avoid Arnold and his parents because he has a relationship with them that you yearn for in your own family. Also, now that he has a mother and father to love, you fear that he won't have enough love left for you."

Helga was dumbfounded. "T-that's ridiculous!" she spat out. "You don't know…what you're talking about…."

She wiped her eyes quickly. Brainy placed a hand on Helga's shoulder; she didn't swat him away. Rather, she turned around and leaned against him and began to cry.

"It's true….it's true, all of it! Why should Arnold have everything? Why should he get to have his cake and eat it too?! He's got a mom and dad who loves him, and me? I'm a just a wretch whose parents can't even remember her name! I don't deserve his love…"

She bawled uncontrollably. Jicu approached and both she and Brainy embraced Helga in a comforting group hug.

"That's not true, Helga," Brainy said, startling Helga enough that she stopped crying.

"Don't you see? You have people in your life who truly care for you," said Jicu softly. "Don't push them away, and most certainly do not punch them in the face."

Helga nodded and straightened herself. "Thank you," she said, clearing her throat. "Both of you. I'm better now. Got that out of my system."

"Would you like us to walk you home?" asked Jicu.

"No…I have another place in mind. You know the way, right Brainy?"

* * *

Reba Heyerdahl opened the front door and found Helga on her front porch, with Jicu and Brainy behind her.

"Hi, Mrs. Heyerdahl," Helga said, rubbing her arm to hide her feelings of vulnerability. "Can I stay here for the night?"

Phoebe peeked her head out from the hall. Reba smiled warmly. "Why of course you can, hun – come on in..."

"Thank you," Helga said, waving to Jicu and Brainy as she entered the household. As she followed Mrs. Heyerdahl inside, Phoebe had a look of relief on her face.

Helga tried to play it off as casual. "Hey, Phoebes."

"Hey, Helga," said Phoebe. "Welcome home."


	6. Chapter 6

It was Saturday – the day of the party had finally arrived. The boarders, Arnold, and his friends were putting the finishing touches on setup on the roof. Arnold seemed a bit distracted so his Grandpa nudged him.

"What's up, Shortman?" Grandpa asked.

Arnold sighed. "Sorry – I'm just worried about Helga. I haven't seen her for a few days."

Phoebe, who overheard the conversation, spoke up. "Don't worry, Arnold. As Helga's best friend I can assure you she is in a better place. Everything is copacetic."

Gerald eyed her suspiciously. "You know something that I don't?"

Phoebe smiled coyly at her beau. "In due time all will become transparent. Have faith."

* * *

Helga was led blindfolded down the street by Lila and Jicu. After her third time stumbling, she began to get annoyed

"Is this really necessary?" she said, holding on to Lila's arm lest she faceplant on the sidewalk.

"You said you would trust me," Lila said matter-of-factly. "And you wanted my help. I need to know that I have your utmost cooperation in all of this."

Helga made a disapproving sound. "Right now I feel like a lamb being led to the slaughter…."

Finally, they stopped, after Helga could sense they ascended a short flight of steps. Jicu undid Helga's blindfold so that she could see again. When her eyes had adjusted she realized she was on the front porch of a familiar household. Immediately, her blood ran cold.

"Wait….wait a minute! This is….!"

The door opened; on the other side was an overly-eager Rhonda, grinning ear-to-ear with delight.

"I knew this day would come," Rhonda said. "Come – let me work my magic!"

Helga turned to stare daggers into the girls that had brought her to the Wellington-Lloyd household. "You dirty traitors!"

There was no escape. Gleefully, Lila and Jicu pushed Helga into the house, and Rhonda shut the front door behind them.

* * *

The girls quickly ushered their captive into Rhonda's room and sat Helga down on a plush chair in front of a vanity mirror. Jicu crowded the door so Helga could not make a break for it, while Lila put her hands on Helga's shoulder, holding her firmly to the seat.

"If you don't let me go right now, you three are going to wish you've never been born…!"

"Oh hush, Helga," chided Rhonda. "Your threats hold no power here. This is MY arena, and now that you're on MY turf, I'm in control."

Helga stared down Rhonda hatefully. "You are so dead."

"What do you propose, Rhonda?" asked Lila, pretending not to hear the death threat.

"Hmm…" Rhonda placed a hand to her face and walked thoughtfully around Helga. "I think we'd better start with the basics. First of all, that unibrow's got to go…"

She picked up a pair of tweezers and went toward Helga. "Get those tweezers out of my face unless you want to digest them."

Rhonda dropped the tweezers. "On second thought, unibrows are all the rage…I think Nancy Spumoni is rocking one this season."

"Why don't you do something nice with Helga's hair?" suggested Jicu.

"An excellent idea, Ji-ji!" exclaimed Rhonda, who pulled the pink ribbon out of Helga's hair.

Helga was incensed. "What do you think you're doing?!"

Rhonda sighed in exasperation, bored with Helga's outrage. "I'm merely remixing your style," she said, retying the bow so that it acted more like a headband, allowing Helga's blonde hair to fall onto her shoulders.

She looked at her earnestly. "Listen, Helga – we may not see eye to eye, but if there's one thing I'll never do, it's make you look bad. I've got too much pride to allow it. So relax, okay?"

She then proceeded to brush Helga's hair. Eventually Helga relaxed and just enjoyed the pampering treatment.

* * *

Later that evening the partygoers arrived at Sunset Arms. It was an interesting night, a mixture of joviality and emotion; it was long-awaited reunion between the people of the neighborhood and Stella and Miles. The Heyerdahl family was particularly emotional, as their friendship with the Shortmans had begun not too long after they left for their final trip to San Lorenzo. Some tears were shed as Stella and Reba hugged, and the rest of the party applauded.

Arnold was tapped on the shoulder. He turned around to face Eduardo and Jicu. Jicu was wearing a green party dress, the same colour as her eyes.

"Hey guys," said Arnold. "I'm so glad you could make it. I hope you are enjoying the party."

"And how are you enjoying yourself?" asked Eduardo.

Arnold glanced over at his parents and smiled. "I'm happy that they're happy. I think it was a good idea to reunite them with old friends."

"And now we think it's your turn," said Jicu.

"Huh?" Arnold – who had yet to hear Jicu speak English – looked at her in surprise. Eduardo and Jicu stepped aside so that Arnold would have a clear view to the door leading up to the rooftop. There stood Helga wearing a soft pink party dress and her hair expertly styled.

She looked uncomfortable – not used to the usual trappings of femininity – and alternated between fidgeting with her hands and tugging on her dress.

Gerald nudged his best friend. "Go get her, Tiger," he said.

Arnold hadn't realized his jaw had dropped, so he closed his mouth, straightened himself and walked with purpose to greet Helga. He thought about what he would say to her, but when he was right in front of Helga his mind went blank.

Helga used the opportunity to lay on her typical Pataki charm and smirked at him wryly. "What's the matter, football-face? Cat got your tongue?"

This seemed to jumpstart Arnold's brain and finally responded: "You look…great."

"Thanks," Helga said. "You don't look too bad yourself…."

Arnold extended his elbow for her to grab, but Helga shook her head. "Arnold…there's something I need to say first…"

"Yes?" he said. "What is it?"

Helga took a deep breath, and when she spoke again, the words came out like rushing water from a tap. "You know how I feel about you. I think you're…amazing…great…spectacular….I think your parents are too. It's just hard for me right now to express these feelings. I'm worried that now that you have your parents back, you won't need me anymore, and I can't bear the thought of being rejected or forgotten by—"

Arnold interrupted her by placing a finger to her lips. "You know I would never do that to you, Helga. Look…I know we both have some growing pains to get through. Rome wasn't built in a day. My parents may never fully recover, and you might never get over showing affection…but it's OKAY, Helga. We'll get through this together…because we have each other. And isn't that all that really matters?"

Helga smiled tenderly. "You really do see the bright side to everything, don't you?"

Arnold shrugged playfully. "Somebody has to."

Helga laughed, then stepped forward to give Arnold a hug, which Arnold gladly returned.

"I'm so sorry," she said.

"Don't be," said Arnold. "You're here."

They pulled away just as Grandma came through the door holding a multi-layered cake while dressed in a dashiki.

"Happy Kwanzaa, everyone!" she cried.

"Oh, Pookie," sighed Grandpa.

Grandma set the cake down at the centre of a long table and everyone gathered around.

"So we all know why we're here today," said Grandpa. "Well, at least some of us do…we're here to celebrate the safe return of my son and my daughter-in-law to the neighborhood. It's also an opportunity to have them blitzkrieg the last nine years of Shortman's birthdays, so get over here!"

Arnold approached the frosted cake which was covered in candles. "I just want to say thank you to everyone. Your thoughts and well wishes have really meant a lot to us. I also want to thank Helga, whose help made all of this possible. This cake is just as much yours as it is mine. Want to help me do the honours?"

The crowd cheered Helga on as she stood beside him and together they both blew out the candles of the cake. Everyone applauded.

"Did you make a wish?" asked Helga.

Arnold smiled. "It already came true."

Helga made a face. "Well. Way to corn up this moment, football-head."

Arnold laughed, which made Helga laugh too, and they proceeded to share the same slice of cake on the rooftop, as well as a little something more.


	7. Chapter 7 - Epilogue

For the first time in a long while, Helga was in her bliss. She was with Arnold and Jicu on the front steps of Sunset Arms, just shooting the breeze. Arnold's Grandpa and Grandma were adjacent to the stoop in weather-worn, yellow lawn chairs, and Stella and Miles had just came through the front door with lemonade and snacks.

She felt calm, and at peace. Which is why it was such a bitter dose of cold-water reality to have a car peel down the street and stop with an ear-splitting screech right in front of the boarding house.

Helga stood up from her spot on the steps. "Dad?"

Big Bob exited the vehicle, looking somewhat frazzled. "Olga? Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you! Come on – we've got to go."

He grabbed Helga's arm and started dragging her towards the car.

"But I'm not ready to go! What are you doing? You're embarrassing me!"

"YOU'RE EMBARRASSED?" Big Bob scoffed. "I'm looking at a solid 10 to 12 in a correctional facility for letting Nick Vermicelli talk me into his cockamamie insurance scheme! Anyway, I'll explain it all at the airport."

"Airport?! What are you talking about?!"

"Good news, baby sister!" Only now did Helga notice her sister Olga in the backseat of the vehicle. "I pulled a few strings at my new teaching job and, long story short, we're moving to Fiji!"

"Fiji?!" Helga wrestled her arm out of Big Bob's grip. "You've got to be joking! I can't move to Fiji! I've got a life here!"

"Yeah, and now you'll start a life in one of the world's most sparsely populated Commonwealths. Look we don't got a lot of time, we've got to get to the airport before the cops beat us there, so get a move on!"

"No…NO! I'm not going with you!" Helga cried. "This is insane! I want to stay here in America!"

"Well, I'm sorry, Olga, but you can't! Who's gonna take the time to look after you if we're ditching the country?"

"Me, because Helga is a beautiful, brilliant passionate girl andI love her like a daughter."

All eyes turned to Stella, who was now standing and fully lucid, ready to plead Helga's case.

"Me too," said Miles, standing behind his wife in solidarity.

"That's right," chimed in Arnold. "If you want to take Helga, you'd better be prepared to fight for her."

"Is it 1996?" Grandma asked absentmindedly.

"Oh yeah?" Big Bob said defiantly. "You and what army?"

"Oh, no army will be necessary," countered Stella. "But I can summon an airtight litigation team courtesy of a one Reba Heyerdahl that will convince any court in the country that you are not only unfit to raise Helga, but will gladly hand over parental rights to a more deserving household."

"Yeah!" added Miles. "And we'll sue too!"

Big Bob groaned and held his face in his palm. "I don't have time for this…"

"Look, Mr. Pataki," said Arnold. "You're obviously unhappy with your current situation. Helga has been, too…for nearly a decade. If you really want a scenario that would make both sides happy, then maybe it's time that you let her go."

Flustered, Big Bob looked downright indignant at first, but then looked at his daughter earnestly. "Is it true, Helga? Were you really unhappy?"

Helga nodded.

"And…is this what you truly want?"

"Yes," Helga said succinctly. "More than anything else in the world."

"Oh, B, she's made her decision," whined Miriam, who was riding shotgun. "Let's just get going already!"

"Shut up, Miriam!" barked Big Bob. "I'm trying to think, I…" at that point he paused and held his eyes with his hand, willing his eyes to stay dry. "You really wanna stay with these people?"

"Yes," repeated Helga.

Big Bob exhaled. "Okay, fine….um…wish granted. Will you at least come see us in Fiji?"

Helga frowned.

"No no, you're right – we'll try to make the time around the holidays. So…I guess this is it."

"I guess so," said Helga.

Helga and Big Bob moved in close for a somewhat awkward hug. At that moment, Miriam and Olga left the car too and embraced Helga for one last time.

"Goodbye, sweetie," said Miriam. "Be sure to write."

"Oooooh, baby sister…!" Olga began to cry, messing up her mascara as usual.

They let go of their daughter. Big Bob was the last to let go of his daughter, and when she looked in his eyes, she swore he looked downright emotional.

"Uh…you gonna be okay?"

"I'm fine," barked Big Bob, furtively wiping his eyes. "You just…uh…you take care of yourself here, Helga. We'll miss you."

The rest of the Patakis filed back in the car and peeled down the street. The others watched until the vehicle was out of sight in the horizon.

Helga turned to look at Helga's parents. "Is it true, what you just said? Do you really…love me?"

Stella rubbed Helga's blonde hair affectionately. "Helga…you are the daughter we never had. We love having you around."

"And we love how happy Arnold is when he's around you," Miles chimed in.

"To us it doesn't matter if you're blood. As far as we're concerned, we're a team, and we'd be more than honoured if you'd join us.

"But what about—" Helga began.

"It was Arnold that suggested we initially take you in," explained Miles. "We were going to propose it regardless, but given recent circumstances, it seemed as good as time as any to let the cat out of the bag."

"Surprise!" said Arnold.

Helga became very sober. "Arnold…"

"I meant every word," said Arnold. "From now on, there's no need to hide from me…from us. You're apart of the family, Helga. A part of us. We love you. _I_ …"

"Love me?" Helga asked, hopefully.

Arnold patted her hand affectionately. "Let's just say, I can't imagine spending another day without you. You've saved us all. Now it's our turn to save you."

He kissed her lightly on the cheek. Helga wiped her eyes and looked from Arnold, to Stella and Miles, to Jicu, to Arnold's grandparents.

"You guys, I…THANK YOU. Thank you, so very, very much," Helga said earnestly.

Jicu said a few words in her own language before shouting "GROUP HUG!"

She went in for the embrace, followed by Arnold's Grandma and Grandpa, Stella and Miles, and finally Arnold himself.

Wrapped in the cocoon of many bodies, Helga finally felt the hole in her heart fill with immense love.

She finally had her cake. And it wasn't just Arnold's affection. It was something she yearned for from the moment she laid eyes on the compassionate five-year-old Arnold back in kindergarten and could now finally call her own.

Helga had a family.

 **THE END**


End file.
